July 14, 2010
20 Things I Wish I’d Known at 20

Via Mighty Girl:

1. Consider the source. If you’re worried about someone who dislikes you, first ask yourself whether they’re an asshole. If you don’t like them, and they don’t like you, that’s not a problem. That’s a mutual understanding.

2. Get off the couch. If you find yourself playing hard to get, don’t pretend to be busy. Just be busy.

3. Don’t waste your time. If you have to play hard to get, move on. You’ll know when you’ve found a healthy relationship because it won’t confuse you.

4. When in doubt, shut up. Silence is a smart negotiation tactic, the best option when you’re processing how to respond, and always more productive than lying about what you’re thinking.

5. Don’t complain. Maybe venting makes you feel better, but letting off steam can also lull you into maintaining the status quo. Unfortunately, the status quo is pissing you off, which is why you’re whining in the first place. If you’re frustrated, turn that energy toward fixing your problems, not bitching about them.

6. Don’t obsess. Worrying is complaint’s ugly cousin. Either use that energy to change your situation, or relax.

7. Find an age-appropriate style. No one wants to see a 20 year old in beige slacks and a wool blazer. Buy trendy clothes, wear the slutty dress, do something ugly with your hair. Be part of your generation, so you can laugh at the photos later.

8. Be polite. It keeps doors open, lessens the potential for misunderstandings, and increases the odds of getting invited back to the beach house.

9. But defend your boundaries. When someone isn’t taking no for an answer, clarify what you want, and then respond forcefully. Being polite to someone who isn’t hearing you is naive.

10. You look good. There’s no such thing as the hottest person in the room. Everyone is attracted to something different, so just take those odds and run with them.

11. Being nice is overrated. In fact, “nice” is the least interesting thing someone can say about you.

12. Keep it to yourself. “She seems nice” is an excellent thing to say about someone you don’t like. Particularly in the company of people you don’t know.

13. Know your audience. When you’re telling a story and someone interrupts you, let them.

14. Let your passion shape your profession. You know that thing your dad says? “If work wasn’t hard, they wouldn’t pay you to do it.” Please. There are professional rock stars, astronauts, puppy trainers, and bloggers.

15. Sex is personal. Don’t bother with one-night stands if they’re not your thing, and don’t judge people for enjoying them (or not). Waiting to sleep with someone doesn’t make you an uptight prude, and jumping into bed doesn’t make you a spontaneous adventure seeker.

16. Focus. The saying, “what you’re thinking about is what you’re becoming” isn’t just chilling, it’s a universal law. Be aware of how you’re investing your attention – including your words, and your actions.

17. Cut yourself a break. Don’t offer a running commentary on your own faults. When you do, the people around you listen. Give yourself space to change your character.

18. Don’t be intimidated. World travelers are just people who bought plane tickets. Pulitzer Prize winners are people who sit alone and write. You can break the most profound accomplishment down to a series of mundane tasks.

19. Choose good company. Ask yourself if a person makes you better or drains your life force. If the answer is B, you’re busy next time they call. And the time after that.

20. Enjoy your body. Odds are you’re more beautiful now than you will be again. Ask your roommate.

June 24, 2010
(via heartbetweenteeth)

(via heartbetweenteeth)

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May 12, 2010
Coming Into My Prime

Last week in San Francisco I rendezvoused with Ellinor, somebody I’m head over heels bonkers for.  We met several summers ago, when she subletted my then-roommate’s room for a couple of months.  At the time I was all sorts of annoyed (and probably passive aggressive, shame on me) with Alison for subletting her room and leaving me with a stranger.  Wtf??  But then Ellinor walked into my life and all was forgiven.  Ellinor rocks my world.  I have a crazy girl crush on her.  It’s kind of hard not to.

We did Pizzeria Delfina, which is all sorts of delicious.  We shared two appetizers: one a garlicky broccoli rabe dish and one a pecorino and fava beans plate with toasted bread.  And then a margherita pizza.  Wood-fired and the perfect crust.  Yum.  But you don’t want to hear about the food.  You want to hear about Ellinor.

So we’re catching up and of course I’m in enamored with everything she’s saying and then this gem pops out of her mouth.  It’s not particularly profound, and it’s something I’ve felt for years (if not the last decade), but it’s something I’ve always kept to myself and don’t think I’ve ever uttered out loud before: I’m finally coming into my prime.

As Ellinor put it, she feels like she came out of the womb at thirty-five.  As my mom put it when I was in high school, I was “fifteen going on twenty-six.”  And at twenty-seven?  Yeah, thirty-five feels pretty spot-on.

That is not to say we feel old.  We don’t feel old.  I sure as hell don’t feel old.  But I do feel older than a lot of my peers in my immediate age group.  And I always have.  (Which is probably why I’ve never voiced this before; it’s kind of hard to tell someone your age how much older you feel without coming off as a condescending douche bag.)

But seriously.  I was SO HAPPY in college.  It was like I finally found the space and independence to breathe and be myself.  It was AMAZING.  And then sophomore year kicked in, and it was all “Uh, where did all the weenies come from?”  And just like that I had outgrown college.  Ditto goes for when I moved to New York.  I felt free to be myself, and like I was finally surrounded by more mature people.  And then I settled in, and it was all “Oh, this is the same as everywhere else. Just more awesome.”  And traveling felt good, I was free to do as I please, no compromise on even the smallest of things, such as “at this intersection should I take a right or continue straight?”  (Which I worried would ultimately be a bad thing, and that I’d have difficulty readjusting to compromise, i.e. to life with others in it.  It wasn’t.  Smooth transition.  But I digress.)

But even now I’m not articulating myself well.  I don’t mean “free” as in I was restricted before (well, in terms of college that’s EXACTLY what I mean), but I mean free to let my freak flag fly.  SOAR.  Uninhibited, and without apology.  Like I fit in with those in my own age group.

And I don’t, yet.  I still feel like the others have some catching up to do.  And that’s not to say they’re behind; that’s to say I’ve always been (freakishly) ahead of the curve in the maturity department.  I date dudes ten years my senior because I can’t stand the ones that are my age.  (Sadly, it turns out even the ones a decade older are still defective.  What the fuck IS IT with boys, anyway?)  But it’s getting closer.  I can feel it.  And I’m SO looking forward to that moment.

I finally feel like I’m coming into my prime.  Like everyone else will be on the same wavelength as me.  Like I won’t get blank stares when saying things like exquisitely written books and nailing a solid workout are among life’s most satisfying pleasures.  Or that I live (and enjoy) a clean, orderly, structured existence.  And not having to “apologize” that staying out into the wee hours sucking down alcohol and nursing a hangover the following day is not among my top must-do’s.  Or my ever-do’s.  And that I want to get up in the morning and be productive, run an errand or two and do something with my day.  And that my idea of a good time involves being in bed by midnight.  On the weekend.

I enjoy having a drink or two.  I enjoy splurging on good food.  I get cranky when a bar or restaurant plays music too loud, and my definition of “too loud” is closer to your grandmother’s than it is your own.  I want to hear my thoughts, and I want to hear yours too.  And I’m tired of shrugging off my “outlandish” preferences to others as “I’m old.”  I’m not old.  I just don’t have the seventeen-year-old mayhem cascading through my veins anymore.  And I like it that way.

I don’t consider ANY of the above as “vanilla.”  (Fuck all you vanilla haters.  Vanilla’s where it’s at.  Just ask my woman Freshy.)  Or “boring” or “old” or any of that.  Refined and sublime.  Or something.  I should coin that.

"Out of the womb at thirty-five."  Me too, Ell.  And you know what?  It just keeps getting better.  Every year is better than the last.  I’ve never felt more myself, or happier to be who I am.  Now for the rest of you slow pokes to catch up.

I may be the only person on the planet looking forward to thirty.

April 6, 2010
Belated Answers for Summer

I found these questions on Summer’s blog (whom I found via the adventures of rose red, via Oh, Mishka), and while the post is two weeks old, I still think it’s cute and fun and am participating belatedly.

  1. What book are you reading? I’m reading Timothy Ferriss’s The 4-Hour Work Week, as came highly recommended by my friend Lisa.  (Truth be told, I’ve only read the preface and the foreword so far.)  The last two books I read were Obama’s The Audacity of Hope and Mark Bittman’s Food Matters, both excellent.  Contrary to what these three titles imply, I’m typically a fiction girl.
  2. Where do you wish you could be right now?  Greece.  Austria.  Denmark.  Croatia.  Nepal.  Kenya.  Portland.  Boston.  New York.  Chicago.  Anchorage.  Austin.  San Francisco.  Sydney.  Barcelona.  Tokyo.
  3. What does your mousepad look like? Don’t have one.  MacBook laptop.
  4. If you wanted to and you could quit your job without consequence, what would you say?  Um, currently unemployed.  Which is WAY better than my last job.  I’m all for quitting shitty jobs.
  5. How will you make your dreams come true?  Magic wand and pixie dust.
  6. Favorite Halloween costume ever? Green and purple dinosaur my mom made, although I think it was for one of my siblings.
  7. Favorite song from back in the day? “Cherish” by Madonna.
  8. One thing you would change about you? Muscle to fat ratio and overall fitness.

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March 28, 2010


i want to marry this woman’s blog. so hard.




i want to marry this woman’s blog. so hard.


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